There is this big, booming voice in my head, telling me not to eat bad things, to exercise, to get thin, get skinny, GET SKINNY because it will all be better once I am skinny. I realize that life won't be easier, but I'll like myself more, fit better in my clothes and just be far more comfortable in my skin. But this voice is mean, menacing, bullying. It is all the negativity from my past rolled into one massive voice and it haunts me.
There are two quieter voices in my head as well. One is always trying to get me to compromise, cheat - just a bit, just a little - it won't matter, it won't count CHEAT, CHEAT, CHEAT, CHEAT, CHEAT, CHEAT, CHEAT. Especially with all the leftover snacks, cookies, chocolate all over the place. I want to silence that voice, because it is way too early to be tempted.
The other voice is supportive, motivating - saying "You can do it! You can do it! Go go go go go go! Be active! Think WHEN I'm skinny, not if I get skinny! You will do it this time!" And I want to amplify that voice. Make it so loud, so positive that there is no other voice to listen to. That it becomes my way of thinking and I make it a reality. I just have to stick to the program, stay focused and positive and not give in or give up.